her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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