How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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