I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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