Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
