dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize