I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I forget how to act sober
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