Have you finally orgasmed yet?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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