grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
