Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
