please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We just shotgunned beers for America
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy