I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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