did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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