I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize