I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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