if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
