I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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