Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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