i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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