maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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