Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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