He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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