he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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