Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
