All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
