Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
