As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
