This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
