dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no