let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?