I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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