So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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