To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
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I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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