we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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