is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
operation harelip BJ is a go
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize