I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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