I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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