apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize