Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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