You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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