That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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