please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
