If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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