Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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