I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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