i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize