Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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