bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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