i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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