Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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