We need to rekindle our bromance
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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