I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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